Always reflecting on my immediate past I have to say I’m a bit disappointed in the small amount of blogging I have done since starting it. My intentions were to blog at least every other day.  This blog was to be a journal for myself. A tool, if you will, to hold myself accountable and learn from my achievements and my mistakes. I wanted to log my food, activity, and emotional highs and lows as I go through my weight loss journey. What I have realized (being a writer at heart) that I’m so busy worrying about what I’m going to write and how I’m going to write it, that I have missed my own point in starting the blog to begin with. So, from now on my blog will be my daily (or almost daily) journal of my day and my journey…no matter how small or trivial the subject might be.

I truly hope you will continue to follow me on this blog and on my Facebook. Please, tell your friends, family, oh just anyone you think may benefit from following this blog. Comments and suggestions are ALWAYS welcome! I’m so happy to have all of you following my on my journey!

Peace and love my friends!

Liz

I think I have an undiagnosed case of ADD. I can’t seem to concentrate on one thing until all other tasks are taken care of. I have numerous projects going on and can’t seem to finish anyone of them. I sometimes feel like I have no focus or direction.

I’m sure you are asking “What does this have to do with weight loss?” Last week I realized the clutter in my mind is directly tied with the clutter in my space. Mental health goes hand in hand with physical health. How can one be physically healthy and fit when the mind is preoccupied and full of clutter? Instead of exercising, my mind would wander to all of the unfinished tasks I need to complete. Instead of focusing on my mental well-being I would focus on the crap in my corners. It’s hard for me to think about one thing when I have other issues looming over me like death. I needed to get my mind and spirit in the game.

I decided the best way to combat my mind clutter is to clear out my space clutter. I need to clear and simplify my space and free it of unnecessary things. After all, over 6,000 years of Feng Shui can’t be wrong, right? Cleaning out my closest and getting rid of old, unnecessary, and meaningless stuff is a great way for me to organize my thoughts, focus on streamlining my life, and raise my energy level. Yes, I say raise my energy level. Think of that feeling of accomplishment and burst of energy you feel when you finish a task. Now times that by 10 and you’ve got the energy level I have been lifted to! (I’m sure my co-workers found me much more annoyingly energetic than unusual today.)

Trying on every piece of clothing to check for fit and condition is actually quite a physical and mental workout.  I was able to keep the items I love that still fit, and get rid of those that don’t. I had to literally look at myself in the mirror and be honest. Does it fit? Does it look good? When was the last time I wore it? Getting rid of certain items was difficult but very therapeutic. I really had to look at my current shape and accept who I am right now. Curves and all! After a while, I was more comfortable with my current physical appearance that I have been for the last ten years. Seeing myself, accepting myself, and realizing I’m Ok was a huge breakthrough for me. Now I can focus on how I want to look and feel, and not just physically. Mentally, I’m ready.  Clearing the clutter means letting go and moving on and that includes all of the old, unnecessary, negative energy along with the objects. Most of the items will go to the Goodwill while my vintage items will be sold on eBay

Being a human of the female persuasion, I have a ton of shoes as well. I would have to say, going through these items was the most painful! But again, when was the last time I wore them? Are they in good shape? Wow, hard stuff. But once I was done clearing the clutter I had an overwhelming sense of peace. It’s astonishing how much energy (positive and negative) we place into objects. Letting go became easier and easier. Sounds corny I know, but I feel amazing.  My closet looks pretty awesome as well.

So, I pulled out my 3 “goal dresses,” sent them to the cleaners to remove the dust that collected on the shoulders, and am anxiously waiting for the day when I can flaunt them again.  Next de-clutter project…the office (ugh).

Liz

I have a love hate relationship with weekends. While I love having time off from work to spend with my hubby I dread some of the issues that I face having all of this free time. I’m referring to food choices.

During the week it’s pretty easy for me to keep on goal. I pack my own lunch, control the portion size,  and enter my points into my tracker. I add or delete points as necessary. Dinner is pretty easy because, again, I’m controlling what I eat and how much. But come weekend, it becomes a little more difficult. Saturday and Sunday are the days hubby and I go out to lunch and dinner. Restaurant ingredients along with portion sizes becomes a bit of a challenge. When eating out I try playing it safe by ordering the same items I’ve had in the past that have already been points calculated. By choosing these items I stay well within my points target.  But I soon get bored with these food choices and end up ordering a dish that is well over my allotted points.  I don’t like to waste food and was always told growing up to clean my late. If I eat at a restaurant I often feel obligated to eat as much as possible so little goes to waste. For the most part I can calculate what’s on my plate. But there are times when I become so afraid of what the point value is on my plate that I don’t track that meal. That leads to not tracking the rest of the day which often leads to forgoing the rest of the weekend. This is dangerous behavior!

 I know I’m not alone in this and I have to work through this mind-set. I do not want to fear food, but I don’t want to turn a blind eye to my food choices either. Part of working through this fear is owning up to it and look for that happy medium. I know I will find it. So, one way I can change this behavior is to order from the ‘sides” or “appetizer” menu. That way I have a small amount of food and control what goes onto my plate. How about a side salad and a baked potato? Or hummus with all veggies instead of the bread? Sounds yummy!

My major goal at the moment is to take back my weekends and focus on spending time with hubby, instead of worrying about food.

Liz

“Do not reward yourself with food. You are not a dog.” – Unknown

I don’t know who said that, but they were a genius. Children are rewarded with some sort of treat when they exhibit positive behavior or reach some sort of goal. As adults we continue this behavior by rewarding ourselves whenever something good happens to us. While I see nothing wrong with this practice I must make clear that rewarding ourselves with food when trying to lose weight is like an alcoholic rewarding themselves with a shot of whiskey for reaching 10 days of sobriety! I am unconsciously setting myself up to fail!

I have been reflecting on my past when it comes to weight loss trials and tribulations (years to be exact) and noticed something very important about myself: I’m a self-saboteur. There it is! It’s out! I have this horrible habit of throwing a wrench into my weight loss plans by rewarding myself with the very thing that got me here to begin with. Now I know on Weight Watchers I can eat anything I wish just as long as I track it. My issue is I choose my “trigger foods.” Trigger foods, for those of who that don’t know, are those annoying, delicious, sugary, fatty foods that taste so good but trigger that little area in my brain that tells me not to stop at just one bite and then leaves me in a mental state of anguish and guilt. Whenever I lose a pound or two (which sometimes takes about 2 weeks to lose) I suddenly have this overwhelming need to congratulate myself with something covered in chocolate or peanut butter. A simple peanut butter cup can turn into three or four. A Snickers Mini multiplies into five or six. One or two Swedish Fish becomes the entire bag! You get my point.

I call this behavior self-sabotage because I am the one throwing the wrench. I know what my trigger foods are but the little girl in me says “I’ve lost 2lbs and I deserve a piece of chocolate!” Before I know it that 2lbs that took so long for me to lose is back on within days. See? Self-sabotage. So instead of food as a reward I have decided on other ways to celebrate. Whenever I lose 2lbs, I will reward myself with a download on my iPod. Whenever I lose 5lbs, I will reward myself with a new CD or book. When I reach my 10% goal I will reward myself with a vintage dress. And when I reach my goal weight, maybe a new wardrobe! But one thing I do know, food will not be the prize!

Liz

1 tbsp mustard seeds
1 ½ tsp curry powder
½ tsp salt
Pinch cayenne
1 ¼ lb top round steak, trimmed and cut into 1-inch cubes
1 large onion, thinly sliced
4 garlic cloves, thinly sliced
2 tsp grated peeled fresh ginger
1 cup low-sodium beef broth
1 (8 oz) can tomato sauce

1) Place small heavy skillet over medium heat. Add mustard seeds and cook, stirring frequently, until toasted and starting to pop, about 3 minutes. Stir in curry powder. Transfer curry mixture to cup; stir in salt and cayenne.

2) Heat oil in large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add half of beef and cook, turning occasionally, until lightly browned, 3-4 minutes. Transfer beef with slotted spoon to 5-or 6-quart slow cooker. Repeat with remaining beef.

3) Spray skillet with nonstick spray and set over medium heat. Add onion and garlic; cook, stirring frequently, until onion is softened, about 5 minutes. Add ginger and curry mixture; cook, stirring frequently, until fragrant, about 1 minute. Transfer onion mixture to slow cooker.

4) Add broth and tomato sauce to skillet. Bring to boil, scraping up browned bits from bottom of pan. Pour broth mixture into slow cooker; stir to mix well. Cover and cook until beef is fork-tender, 4-6 hours on high or 8-10 hours on low.

Okay, okay…I know I had a bit of a meltdown last week about holidays and potlucks. I re-read what I wrote and had a bit of an epiphany. I realized I wasn’t mad about the festivities themselves, or how we choose to celebrate them. I was angry at myself for fearing my lack of willpower when it comes to food choices and portion control. I came to the conclusion that I was blaming others for MY lack of will power. I am the only one responsible for what, when, and how much I choose to eat. I can’t blame someone else for my choice to eat a cookie, or scarf a piece of pie, or to pile my plate in the shape of the Matterhorn. They didn’t put that food on my plate…I DID!  It’s MY choice to make those choices! So, I got up off the floor, put my big girl pin-up pants back on, took a deep breath, and have decided to move on!

Since I was in a looking back kind of mood I reviewed the last three months of my progress. I am nowhere near where I had hoped I would be by this time, but, I’m Ok with that. I am not dieting; I’m going through a lifestyle change and that takes time. I did not gain this weight overnight (although it feels like I did) and I’m not going to lose it overnight. Lifestyle changes take time. I’m still learning about my hunger signals, portion control, and making good food (and drink) choices when dining out. I’m not up to the exercising part yet and I can honestly say I have been procrastinating a bit when it comes to activity. But I know I will get to that level eventually. I’m still taking baby steps because I want this to be successful. Moving at my own pace is the only way I know how to get an action to stick.

I’m trying hard not to get discouraged when a friend talks about how losing weight was “so easy” for her. I won’t curse her when she says she lost 10lbs in a week. And I won’t “unfriend” her when she posts pictures of herself in a bikini on Facebook. I will simply say “good for you! I’m proud of you!” and continue along on MY journey. Everyone’s journey is different. The important thing I need to remember is I need to do what’s best for me and my body, mind, and spirit. I’m going to experience setbacks. I’m going to celebrate victories. I’m going to have good days, and I’m going to have bad days.  I’m Ok with that. I need to focus on what I really want for myself and not set my goals based upon someone else’s.

My Weight Watchers lead, David, shared a really good message with his WW group… ““The secret to unhappiness? Keep sacrificing what you want the most for what you want at the moment.” Wow, that really hit home. Thank you David! I needed that!

Liz